blog # 5 my least favorite character

In the novel One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, the least favorite character for many would probably be Nurse Ratched, for the very obvious reasons of her manipulation  and cruelty toward her patients, but my least favorite character is Dr. Spivery, the patients primary doctor, who is ironically addicted to opiates.  Even though he is the primary doctor, he is easily manipulated, by both Ratched and his own patients, "yes, the same high school. And in the course of our reminiscing we happened to bring up the carnivals the school used sponsor-marvelous, noisy, gala occasions......The big Nurse is giving him a look that shouldn't have any doubt about about, but he doesn't have his glasses on and misses him" (108 Kesey.) McMurphy can manipulate him into planing a carnival for the ward just by bringing up old high school memories, just as easy as the Nurse does with his addiction to overlook her torturing the patients. He is mild-mannered, which is ok, but he does not have a mind of his own, he let's others control his thinking and decisions. Even though Ratched is "evil" and obsessive and heartless, she at least has a mindset of her own, she has an idea and acts upon it, she has her own goals and wishes, clearly something the doctor lacks. How ever he is a kind man at heart, he'd much rather work in an office looking at charts instead of sitting in an afternoon meeting with mental patients, but again, he is too spineless to speak up about it. Even when he thought he was in control, he was still being manipulated by McMurphy, Dr. Spivey thinks he is able to assert his own power by siding with McMurphy to take down Ratched.  Dr. Spivey has power in the ward that McMurphy hopes to redirect against Ratched and in favor of McMurphy’s desires and the needs of the men. Once McMurphy finds that his proposals will be immediately dismissed, he manipulates the system by using Dr. Spivey to back up his desires like watching a baseball game, going on a fishing trip, having a second day room for playing cards, basically making decisions for him. Rather than saying he is my least favorite character, it'd be more appropriate to say he is a character I feel most sorry for, I feel sorry for him in the sense he is a spineless human, unable to make his own decisions and fight for what he believes in to be right. 

blog #4 last page

As I read the last page of this book, I realized how the tone of narration completely reversed from the beginning of the book. He starts out as a weak character, lost in his own mind of machine and fog and as the story goes on, the fog fades more and more and he begins to see things as well as himself more and more clearly and regains self confidence and a sense of individual.  The entire novel is told through Bromden's point of view, which is questionable, but as the story develops, so does his character. The fog he hallucinates helps him slip from reality, "right now she's got the fog machine switched on, and it's rolling in so fast I can't see a thing but her face, rolling in thicker and thicker, and I feel as hopeless and dead as I felt happy a minute ago," (113 Kesey.)  The "fog" clouds his vision of the world, symbolizing  his desire to escape from reality, every time he acts out of fear, the fogs overcomes him as a form of protection, just like his "deafness". He wants to be as invisible as possible, because that kept him safe all through out the years, hes been invisible and lost. How ever on the last page of the book, Bromden is an whole another person, or more accurately, he becomes the person he's suppose to have become this whole time. He is confident, even begins to communicate verbally with McMurphy, no longer hiding behind a shield of invisibility. At the end of the book, Bromden talks about his plans after McMurphy's death and free of Ratched, "I might go to Canada eventually, but i think I'll stop along the Columbia on the way......Mostly, I'd just like to look over the country around the gorge again, just to bring some of it clear in my mind again. I been away a long time" (325 Kesey.) For the first time in the entire book, he is hopeful, looking forward to the days ahead of him, instead of worry about the fog, the shock shop, the black boys, and the before-breakfast Monday shaves. It made me smile and happy on the inside to know McMurphy's rebellion and sacrifice wasn't for nothing, it helped Bromden and many other patients back to who they were before the ward. It gave me a glimpse of their newly found freedom and individuality, a sense of hopefulness that ends the book with a billion and one possibilities.  The ending tone is in such direct contrast with the beginning of the book it almost, almost made me forget what a frightened and weak character Bromden was.

blog #3 McMurphy and Christ

Many critics believe Kesey intends McMurphy to be a heroic, Christ-like figure, I completely agree with this theory. McMurphy's time through out the novel parallels many of Christ's journey, Kesey uses foreshadowing, symbols and quotes to develop his character. McMurphy is baptized with a shower before entering the ward in the beginning of the novel, and he gets to know Ellis, a character who spends the entire novel in a cross position "nailed against the wall in the same condition they lifted him off the table for the last time, in the same shape, arms out, palms cuped, with the same horror on his face. He's nailed like that on the wall, like a stuffed trophy." (20 Kesey).  Foreshadowing McMurphy's shock therapy treatment later on in the novel where he willingly lies down on a cross shaped table, just as how Jesus Christ was willing nailed on to a cross. The development of McMurphy as a Christ figure deepens when he leads twelve of the patients out on a  fishing trip, "The salt smell o' the pounding sea, the crack o' the bow against the waves-braving the elements, where men are men and boats are boats"(209 Kesey).  This draws parallel to Jesus' taking his twelve disciplesout to sea to test and strengthen their faith in him and empower them. Fish have also been an important religious Christian symbol, as the fishing trip is an important symbol of the novel representing the humanity and connection of mankind.  When the trip is over, the Chief describes the sense of change that most of the patients had and even claims that they "weren't the same bunch of weak-knees from a nuthouse anymore"  (215 Kesey). This really shows the way McMurphy is starting to guide and lead the patients, just as Jesus lead his disciples. McMurphy and Christ both end up sacrificing themselves for the betterment of many others, after McMurphy under goes lobotomy, he is basically brain dead, Bromden does him a favor and suffocates him because he knows McMurphy hates to live under conformity. They are both figures of healing and better times; Christ made blind men see and mute men speak and McMurphy is the one who prompted Bromden to shed his protective layer of defense and speak for the first time in years, when he says "Thank-you." (184 Kesey).  At the end of the novel, Bromden brings to remembrance the things McMurphy had taught them, showing what major a part of McMurphy's life was helping others, just as Jesus' life was devoted to bring goodness to others, and McMurphy, as a character is successfully developed as an important and heroic Christ figure.

Blog #2 Cuckoo's Nest

Ratched's Mental Health
Nurse Ratched is one of the main character in the novel One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, she is a formal army nurse and works at the mental hospital where the novel takes place. Although she is staff and works to "help" the patients, she is crazier than any patient at the ward.She is obsessed with control and having everyone being under her rule. "Please understand, I appreciate the way you've taken it upon yourself to orient with the other patients on the ward, but everything in its own good time, Mr. McMurry. I'm sorry to interrupt you and Mr. Bromden, but you do understand: everyone...must follow the rules." (25 Kesey). She does everything in her power to manipulate the patients and doctors at the ward to insure everything is under her absolute rule; in society, there are things one can control and there are things out of one's control. In the little society of The Combine, Nurse Ratched controls all things, obsessing over every little detail, freaking out if things were done completely done her way. When McMurphy does not conform to her ways of "helping" the patients, she tries to put him under her control by shocking him and it failed, she tries to do it again..and again.."I tried to talk him into playing along with her so's to get out of the treatments, but he just laughed and told me Hell, all they was doing was charging his battery for him, free for nothing." (290 Kesey).  When patients at a mental institute start "playing along" with the staff, there's something seriously off. "Normal" people are usually the ones who play along with the insane to try and help them, not the other way around. The patients that are in the ward are not nearly as insane and sadistic as the nurse, they understand Nurse Ratched's obsession and they understand how to behave to the best of their benefits. Nurse Ratched, however, does not see this and is proud with herself of the "control" she has over the patients, that is, except for McMurphy. Albert Einstein's famous quote, "Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results" also corresponds very closely to Nurse Ratched's insanity in this case. Her control is a crazy obsession, she is willing to put others through torture just to achieve what she wants.Nurse Ratched’s insanity is personal, she is bitter about her own life and has lost much of her humanity, through power and control she seeks the same for her patients, for her own entertainment as well as to make herself feel better.

Blog #1 Cukoo's nest

Favorite Character
My favorite character in the novel One Flew Over the Cukoo's Nest is Pete Bancini, or as people like to call him in The Combine, "Old Pete". He is a chronic patient who suffered brain damage from birth, he is my favorite character because he is simple, and different. I guess one could consider his brain damage a gift, so simple minded that he could not be molded into slot like everyone else in the Combine as well as the Outside. He is different from everyone else there, he is in control of himself, the black boys did not have any control over him and normally there is no need to have any control over him because he has the mindset of a six year old. However, he understands what The Combine does and what Nurse Ratched does and he tries to warn everyone about  it "Everyone hushed. They were somehow ashamed. It was as if he had suddenly said something that was real and true and important and it had put all their childish hollering to shame." (51, Kesey). Old Pete interrupts everyone during group therapy when they are naming all their failures and shameful acts, he understands Nurse Ratched is TRYING to mess them up even more by having them remember and relive all their worst memories and nightmares.  When the black boys try to jerk him out the room, he punches one of them in the face and breaks down into tears, the other two black boys realize they can't not control him like they can the other patients and are scared to try and usher him. Old Pete tries to tell everyone it's all baloney, that The Combine is not fixing them but breaking them down more instead; he is tired and frustrated that no one sees that. "I was born dead. I'm tired. I'm give out trying. You got chances.....You got it easy,,,I've been dead fifty-five years." (54, Kesey). He never punched anyone after that incident and hushed when he was told because he gave up, he is tired of trying to speak the truth and bring the other patients to realization of the work The Combine is doing. He knows that he is an hopeless cause because he was "born dead", he couldn't help but be in there, but the other patients didn't have to be, they were once whole, once normal and ok, they have the chance of getting better and getting out to live their lives but they're choosing not to be. They can't see what The Combine is molding them into, that they're keeping the patients hospitalized on purpose. Old Pete "conformed" to Nurse Ratched and her orders not because he has been molded as well but because he saw that his warnings were useless, they weren't getting through to the other patients so he just simply gave up trying.

Non Conformity

Transcendentalists believe in non conformity, to never develop beliefs just because it’s an popular belief, it is closely intertwined with free thought to be able to isolate oneself in order to search within without outside influences like the government or media. In Conclusion by Walden, Thoreau clarifies every person should believe in their own beliefs and have their own thoughts at their own pace instead of following the mainstream. “If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears the beat of a different drummer.” (Thoreau 239-241).  Thoreau uses the beat of a different drummer as a metaphor for different set of morals and beliefs one person may have that sets them apart from his peers. One should question the majority and make his own decisions and form his own values rather than blindlessly following everyone else; it is not important nor relevant to anyone else but himself what pace and beat one walks through life with. A song that follows closely with the idea of not conforming is called Ready, Aim, Fire by Mali Music. “I’m on a rocket ship/And the destination of this rocket is to outer space/Guess I have to go there/guess I have to come here/yeah/I’m from the Earth but I’ve been taken to another place/And there are powers, even there but you can’t see them,/And they have lasers and beam guns/And they’re firing on my brain, but I say/Fire! Fire!/Ready, aim, fire!/You can’t shoot me down, no...” The lyrics of the song communicate a strong anger toward society trying to force him to conform but also the strong fight and will power refusing to become just another part of society, part of the system. He has his own mindset of what he wants to achieve and where he wants to be; he hates all the powers in society telling him what to think and what to want. He is determined to fight till the end and defend his own thoughts.

Mali Music - Ready Aim (Lyric Video)    Youtube.  Mali Music,  n.d  March 17th,  2013

Nature

Transcendentalists believe in everyone and everything in the universe is connected through the little details of nature like the grass, the trees or even the ladybug in the backyard that all make up the web and cycle of life. In Song Of Myself Whitman writes a verse which depicts an image of contrast between life and death. “This grass is very dark to be from the white heads of old mothers, darker than the colorless beards of old men, dark to come from under the faint red roofs of mouths.” (Whitman 29-33). Whitman uses the grass as a metaphor as all new life coming from past lives who have long gone and buried deep within the soil, the white hairs and beards represent the dead souls; he uses direct contrast  between the dark and light colors as a metaphor for the contrast between life and death to create a visual image in the reader’s mind. Life comes from death, and death births life in an endlessly circle of nature, every bit of our universe is connected through nature; to die is to simply reach the end of one part of the  web and ready to be reborn into another part of nature.   A stop motion face paint video called Afterlife illustrates this idea of rebirth and nature in a very visual and artistic way. The story is competely told by paint on a woman's face. She starts as a young beautiful woman, and she ages into an old woman who passes away and ends up being just a skeleton buried within the earth; slowly flowers and different kinds of life/plantation start to sprout from within her skull creating a field of flowers. After the flowers wither and fall, she is transformed into the sky and array of stars, a part of the universe ready for rebirth. Slowly a cheetah fetus forms, even with it’s own tiny little heartbeat, the story ends with a wink of the women who have transformed into a full grown cheetah. But it isn’t really the end, it’s just the beginning, just another beginning of another life ready to connect with nature and appreciate the immense beauty it has to offer.      

“Ruby - face paint animation - Official Version”  Youtube.   Emma Allen, n.d Nov 10th, 2013

Free thought

Transcendentalists believe in thoughts, beliefs, and opinions unrestrained by authority, tradition, established belief, and religion. It allows one to put aside all outside influences and empathize with all those around him.  In O me! O life! Whitman describes  no one has freethought anymore, everyone just desires the same things without any individuality or compassion. “Of eyes that vainly crave the light--of the objects mean--of the struggle ever renew’d.  Of the poor results of all-- of the plodding and sordid crowds I see around me.” (Whitman handout 6-7). Whitman voices his frustration about all the mindless souls around him simply craving for materialistic things by using repetitive “of”s to describe every different crowd who search for the power of the unimportance like the American dream.  Not only Whitman sees the people around him desire only of materialism, he sees that those people are just stepping in place, they keep working and working but never get ahead or move forward; just stuck in place of unrealistic desire and greed.  A short animated film on youtube called Think also voices out this philosophy; the short film does not contain any dialogue but a picture speaks a thousand words.  The story starts out as someone sketching out a diagram/map of finding true happiness and experiencing the world to the fullest potential; but then he is distracted by another man who takes him to a church to pray and be taught morals of faith and religion. Unwilling to be taught what to think, he runs away from the church, only to stumble upon another man who takes him to a political campaign to be persuaded and fed lies, he then again runs away and continues his journey of finding true happiness. That is when he comes face to face with the army, war and violence, he is offered a place in the army to be trained for war, to numb the mind to prepare for killing, horrified he sneaks off once again. He finally finds the “portal” to happiness only to find out someone from the past three groups has already beat him to it, however, because their mindsets are shaped a certain way, their physical appearances are also shaped a certain way, blocking them from being able to enter the portal. Only the man who thinks for himself is able to fit through the portal, because it is his own portal, and it’s shaped to fit his own mindset. The entire film is in black and white till the very end when he enters through the portal when everything becomes vibrant and colorful. Much like Whitman’s poem, the film expresses the importance of rather than being blinded by the norms and irrelevant details in life to truly see and appreciate the beauty in the universe and nature.  

“Think” Youtube.   Beaubaphat,  n.d  Jan 31st, 2011

Confidence

Transcendentalists believe one must have an amazing amount of confidence in him/herself to go within and to find value and find  isolation to use his/her intuition and find his/her own individual verse that complements the song of the universe. In Conclusion of Walden Thoreau states the importance of confidence describing “if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. He will put some things behind, will pass an invisible boundary; new, universal, and within him.” (Thoreau Walden. 225-230). Thoreau reveals through dictions and his experiments, being confident in one’s own self and looking within to find answers that will bring out new, universal and the best and most unexpected success. Instead of depending on others and looking else where, the only place one can break free from past laws and boundaries and find true enlightenment and happiness is to be confident with himself and his own beliefs and through that, he will find life is simple, joy comes from every little common thing he would otherwise look past and brush off. This idea is also illustrated in the song On the Brightside  by Never Shout Never. “I am a man of six feet tall /Just looking for some answers In a world that answers none of them at all/I'll say, "Hi," but not reply /To the letters that you write /Because I found some peace of mind./Cause I'm only as tall as my heart will let me be/And I'm only as small as the world will make me seem /When the going gets rough and I feel like I may fall/I'll look on the brightside / I'm roughly six feet tall.” The song analyzes that it is useless to seek for answers in a world that does not offer any answers, the answer lies within one self. The world may try and break him down, but confidence will get him through and help him achieve his peace of mind, finding beauty and happiness within the little things of life, and most importantly, within himself.

“On the Brightside [OFFICIAL VIDEO]” Youtube.   NeverShoutNever, n.d September 1st, 2009

Into the wild

        Chris McCandless in the film ditches his money and possessions and breaks from society to live in the vast wilderness of Alaska, totally free of materialism. It's a lifestyle many people envy, and would love to do, but also would never attempt; it is extreme, unrealistic, and I believe, foolish. Chris believed money was "shameful, corrupting, and inherently evil." He hated and was tried of the way money ran the world, he thought that careers were a 20th century invention and that title and wealth does not amount to happiness.  I think he is over his head with his beliefs, while money does not bring happiness, to go completely without money and materialistic things, one becomes too busy trying to supplying them self with basic necessities just to simply survive to even think about finding true happiness. It should be balanced, materialism should be a small part of one's life, but it shall not become his life. We are raised in a society of materialistic needs, and to be completely stripped of possession and isolated from society, we become weak, both mentally and physically. McCandles also believed one does not need human interaction and affection to be happy, it is not until his death did he realize he was wrong, happiness is only true when it's shared. While it may be new and exciting at first to be alone for a change in a society of constant chaos and company, humans are made to interact, it is how it's been since the beginning of time, and it will be that way till the end of time. Us humans are not meant to be alone. Some people he was taking risks and living life to the fullest, but I think he was ridiculous and inexperienced. His beliefs of completely independence from money and possessions contradicts his need fro them. He donated and burned his saving just so he could hitchhike and do labor along the way to feed himself and survive. Of course he meets all kinds of people and friends on his journey, and they provide him with those needs, but those come from money and materialism. Even though he was rid of his own, he could not ditch materialism completely, that is, until he was really into the wild in Alaska.He was selfish and insensitive, he hurt just about everybody he had met on the way by just leaving them. He completely contradicts himself by saying“you’re wrong if you think that the joy of life comes principally from human relationships” then when he really feels the loneliness and is the verge of death he says “happiness is only real when shared”  His extreme actions led up to his death, he could have avoided it and lived if he had more experience and was more prepared to be living alone in the wild. However, I do think McCandless was a bright guy, he realized material objects and a poisoned society wasn't for him. He did what his heart told him to do to find his strength, but he underestimated the dangers and conditions of the wild, and without much the materialistic things, he failed to really live as one with nature. (Or in a way, he succeeds in his death, becoming part of nature.)  

FEAR

Fear is used to manipulate people, even starting at a young age. We are taught to be afraid, because when we are fearful, we obey. Fear is used by parents to their children to teach discipline; when the kids are scared of being yelled at, put in time-out, or losing their favorite toy, they listen to their parents. Fear is manipulated in every aspect of our lives, we are controlled and bonded by fear. Authorities use fear to keep order in our society by constantly keeping it's citizens in mild panic,  if things get out of line, consequences are applied; and the fear of those consequences is what keeps the peace and order. "So that your punishment will indeed be infinite . Oh who can express what the state of a soul in such circumstances is!" (156, From Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God). God has the absolute authority over the sinners, and because they have sinned, they are bound to be punished, and in this case, they are to be damned in hell for eternity, burned in the pits of fire and rage. The purpose of such harsh punishments is to keep people from committing sins, to make people afraid of being damned, when people are scared, they'll do anything to feel safer. That ties in to the use of fear in our everyday life, if we are afraid of dogs, we stay away from them; if we are afraid of going to hell, we go to church and praise God....etc. Fear limits our actions and prevents us from unleashing our full potential but also protects us from the things we fear.

Themes

          The development and image of the hero fully depends on one's perspective, the concept of hero/enemy is intertwined but also at the same time the very exact opposite of each other.  In O'Brien's They Things They Carried, this theme is faint but carries out through the whole book, the most obvious one being the soldiers as heroes to American citizens. The book itself is telling a war story, the Vietnam-American War; the soldiers are at war fighting to protect our freedom, but for the Vietnamese, they are enemies, horrible monsters who invaded their country killing innocent civilians. The Vietnamese who dies is as much a hero as the American soldier who was sent over to kill them.  "most of the hamlet had burned down..."(135). To the fourteen year old girl, also the only survivor of the attack, the soldiers are not heroes, but a group of savage men who just killed her entire family and burnt away her home. The image of the hero is only something the "outsiders" see, the heroes themselves might not even view themselves as a hero. What they do (or fails to do, in this case) eat them away on the inside, the heroic titles andthe memories of war haunt them. "you had seven medals. sure.." (142) Norman Bowker comes home with seven medals, but none of that matters to him, he blames himself everyday for Kiowa's death. To Norman, the negative aftermath of war overshadows every heroic thing and good deed he's done, he isn't a hero to himself, but a coward, a shameful friend.
           Religion and faith play a big part in our society today and even though faith does not technically have to be religious, it's what helps people through even the toughest times, but while religon may save you from yourself, it can not save you from the constant death threat. Kiowa, the most religious person in the story ends up dead in a shit field, literally. His god couldn't save him when death crept up, but faith however, helps one cope with whatever problems one may be having. "He carried around his girlfriend's  pantyhose.."(10). Henry Dobbins carries his girlfriend's pantyhose as a comforter. A comforter, rather than calling it faith, each soldier as well as every living person, has a comforter. Something to go to when nothing else is there, something that gives them hope or at least calm them down and give them even the slightest bit of peace.  For some people that comforter is religion, it's where they go to when they're lost and looking for answers, guidance or just simply a place of peace of mind. For others it could be an old locket that once belonged to their grandmother, or a favorite book of poems, even a celebrity, an idol, someone they look up to, it could even be the sunrise every morning blood-staining the sky. Anything and everything can act as faith for someone, for them to believe in.

Veteran and O'Brien comparison/contrast

      O'Brien's experience in the Vietnam war was very similar but also different from the veterans' experiences in the Iraq war. It was similar in the mutual fear of death in both wars, before the war, death was just another noun, an idea to the soldiers,  no on had thought about what it is like to really die, or to watch your fellow comrade die in front of you. "There was no twitching or flopping. Kiowa, who saw it happen, said it was like watching a rock fall, or a big sand bag or something-just boom, the down-not like in movies where the dead guy rolls around and does fancy spins." (O'Brien, 6) When Ted Lavender died, instead of rolling around in pain and dying off saying his last words in the arms of his best friend, he just, died. Quick and real, with all the weight of the things he carried, he just straight up fell to the ground after being shot, just like that. The reality of him actually dying gave the other soldiers a reality check, war isn't a game, real people will die, and that idea really doe not sink in till one's experienced/witnessed it for themselves. Veteran Truman Muir Irwin was serving in Iraq when he was hit in the leg, which was lucky compared to his best friend who was shot in the chest and died later on in the hospital. When faced upon death, one can't really think about anything else expect for "holy shit I'm gonna die." It wasn't till later that Truman realized that his best friend was shot and dying while he is sitting here worrying about his leg pain, he felt ashamed, and mourned for his best friends death, but it's just all a tiny piece of the game that makes war real. While facing death is something all the soldiers had to deal with whether they are stationed in Iraq or Vietnam, the life after war for the veterans were drastically different. After the war of Vietnam, people kept quite about it except for to blame and shame the veterans for the things they did, the villages they destroyed, the innocent people they killed, and no one seemed to talk much about the war. "Many years after the war Jimmy Cross came to visit me.......and talked about everything we has seen and done so long ago, all the thing we still carried through our lives." (O'Brien,27) People pretended like the war never happened, only the soldiers remember what the horrific memories, after about 20 years when Bollywood began to make movies about the war did people finally start to talk and accept the war. For veteran Kobe Bazelle, a machine gunner in the Traq war, things were very different, after he came back from the war, he started a blog and people would would it and ask him questions and discuss the war, whether good or bad. Instead of hiding and being ashamed of it, he embraced it and shared his unique experience with people all over the world.

The things I carry

      The things I carry are simple, I carry what most girls my age this generation carries. I carry a relatively small, brown and tan over the shoulder bag with rips in three different places- a Christmas gift from my aunt. 
      In that bag I carry my cell phone, which is thought to be my entire life by my mother and step-father. The phone itself isn't what's most precious to me, but it's everything on it and everything I can do with it that make it so that I clench to it everywhere I go. My phone contains phone numbers of people who I may or may not be close with, people I have forgotten about and people who've forgotten about me. It carries text messages, memories and laughs between friends on late summer nights as well as complaints about school work at 2 am. It connects to the internet, which connects to the world, allowing me to communicate with family and friends 6,979 miles away, all the way on the other side of the world in China. On that phone also contains thousands of songs, a wide variety anywhere from La Dispute to Justin Bieber to EXO, for when I need a little downtime and just escape into the world of music, or to blast while making memories laughing the day away.
        In that over the shoulder bag I carry another small green bag filled with little things that seems essentials to every teenage-high-school-girl. It is filled with all kinds of different make-ups; mascara, eye liner, concealer, foundation, primer, chap stick, lip gloss, lip stick, eye shadow, blush..... Everything that makes me half-decent looking, and masks my face into something I can accept. On the outer pouch of that bag carries even more beauty products, products like a hair brush, a couple hair ties and bobby pins, and sometimes ear rings. It still amazes me to this day how such a small bag can fit so much stuff, despite the size of the bag, it's heavy for how small it is, weighing somewhere around 2-3 pounds.
       Also in that bag, I carry my wallet, a royal blue Calvin Klein zip up wallet.  In it there's a couple bills, a couple gift cards, memberships to various places, my debit card, and all kinds of different IDs. In it I also carry around a picture of me with both of my parents when I was around 5 years old, probably the only picture of all three of us in the same shot; sometimes I pull it out to look at whenever I feel down and need something to cheer me up, it always does.
      A few random things also lay scattered around the bottomless mess I call my bag. Things like a packet of gum, random wrappers, my phone charger, a pen and sun glasses if it's a cloudless day. The things I carry are normal, they're messy, scattered, but I can always find what I am looking the moment I need it; the things makes up who I am, the things I carry, are parts of me.